You want to say “yes”, but…..

Your best friend is getting engaged!  You are as excited as they are, and rightfully so.  You are also sure you will be asked to be in the wedding party, but before you agree, know what the cost to you will be….. and….can you afford it?

For the girl:  No matter the size of the wedding itself, there are certain things the maid of honor and bridesmaid(s) are expected to buy, and do.  These days the bride-to-be will usually choose a color for the dresses, then each girl in the party will purchase a dress which is flattering to her, but in the chosen color.  Along with the dress there are shoes, sometimes jewelry, and possibly specific undergarments depending on the style of the dress. Hairdos, manicures, pedicures, even facials or massages are sometimes done as a group, each girl paying their own cost, and, not always, but sometimes, possibly sharing the cost for the bride-to-be.

There is at least one shower, where the girls split the cost for the location, food, decorations, favors for each guest, and a gift for the couple.  There is sometimes a bachelorette party where each girl pays her own way, and shares the cost equally for the bride-to-be.  And, of course, there is the cost of a wedding gift, usually shared equally between the girls.

For the guy:  Usually there is a bachelor party, where the guys in the group pay their own way, and share the cost equally for the groom-to-be.  These parties can go from going out for a couple of drinks, or dinner…or maybe a larger group gathering for a party, or a night or weekend get- away.

For the wedding, a tux is usually worn, and are usually rented, along with the shoes, so everyone will be dressed alike. And, a wedding gift for the couple is usually shared by the guys.

In any case, whether you’re a girl or a guy, be prepared to be asked at least once in your lifetime.  And be prepared in your budget for the cost of accepting. Your budget should guide you to your answer.

If you cannot afford the cost, say so.  Explain how you’d love to, but your not financially able, that you are just as excited for them being a guest. And offer your help with putting up decorations, or if you’re crafty, making the favors.  Even as a guest, there is a shower gift and a wedding gift to be bought by you. So if 2 gifts are what works in your budget, let it be that, and politely decline being in the wedding party.

It isn’t wise to go into debt (or deeper debt) because you can’t say no to your friend.