There was you, and now there’s…almost…two

You are single….moving through life.  You are making a good income, and are financially savvy.  You have no outstanding debt,  no credit card debt, no outstanding loans, and you have your essential savings accounts set up and consistently and faithfully add to them.  You’ve done all the right things.  Great job! Congrats and kudos to you!  Keep up the good work!

Now you meet ‘someone special’.  You date, you are compatible in many ways, you become serious and start talking about a future together.  All very nice, very sweet, but slow down a bit.  Almost all the boxes are checked off in the ‘these are things I’d like in a lifelong mate’ column. ‘Almost’… being the key word.  The  box regarding finances isn’t checked off.  You’ve found out that he/she has a lot of outstanding debt.  It’s time to step back…. put the brakes on.

Your intended might be perfect in every way…. except…. you’re not on the same page handling finances.  He/she has outstanding debt, lots.  Mounting credit card debt, a college loan, a car loan…and they pay only the minimum each month.  They have a closet full of clothes and shoes, but think they still need more, they enjoy eating out more often than not, and think its necessary to have a drink or a few in order to have a good time.  These are red flags.  Every single one of them.

Even though a wonderful person, there is a problem. This is and will continue to be a major problem — for you — moving forward.  Their debt becomes your debt if you marry.  Their debt will bring your credit score down, because you would now be sharing the credit score number too.

Don’t make set future plans unless and until this debt is gone, and ways of saving and spending is on the same page as you. A financial plan is needed…now.  One that will eliminate their outstanding debt.

If you go forward with the relationship, you’re not only working on eliminating their debt, but should the ‘two become three’, (surprises do happen), then there are child care costs added to the bills, and you will wonder how someone so tiny needs so much and costs so much, maybe while all done on a single income because the other parent is the stay at home parent now.  So think hard….now.

Don’t be to quick to jump into a lifelong commitment.  Hold off, postpone the marriage vows, You can still stay involved, while showing him/her how to budget and stay within the perimeters of their income, all while they pay off their debt, and starting a savings plan that will continue on. If that’s not acceptable to the other, then it’s probably time to end the relationship and move on.

Starting out already in a financial hole is not a good idea.  Right from the beginning, being on the same page regarding finances is imperative in a relationship.

Once the debts are paid, exchange vows, and moving forward work together on the finances.  Having the same financial goals, and working together keeping and staying within a budget is imperative.

You worked hard to get where you are financially, if you go into a commitment with a messy financial history that has no end in sight, that’s not fair to you.  Don’t do that to yourself.